I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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