if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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