pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
