haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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