I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
