if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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