The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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