first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
