i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
