never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
