I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
