I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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