I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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