I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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