This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
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