Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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