Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
