I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
