im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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