I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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