I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
