she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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