In the future we'll all be gay
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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