Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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