you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
