I just made out with a guy for $7.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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