We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
