the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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