Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
