It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
