I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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