I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
