I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
