Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
