U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
