i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
