Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize