On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
