I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
