How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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