Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
