He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
did i just pee glitter
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
