Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
