he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
