Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
