Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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