i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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