I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
