I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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