life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
