I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
