my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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