I wish I only lived at night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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