did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
