party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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