no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
