Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
