I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
