I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
