So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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