I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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