you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
