she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
