that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
