you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
