I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened