You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.