So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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