You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
