wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
