yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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