I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
