after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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