I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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