help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
