u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there