my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..