And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
