i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.