I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
