You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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