I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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