i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
