Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?