what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
