Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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