having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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