no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
